The year I just said no.
No more excuses, just because I’m exhausted. Even if it is indeed true. No more going out of my way for those who will not do the same for me. This was the year I had to learn a bit of selfishness.
A change happened inside of me, so fundamentally that I just started to say no. Before, it was always yes, despite my own health and family needs. It was always yes to being called into work when others didn’t show. It was always yes, I would stay over even if I had homework due that night or if it caused me to miss my personal religious obligations to my faith and myself. That’s when I started to say NO.
My care that I had for matters that were not close to me literally stopped existing. I started to take a truly deep inward look at myself and where I am in my life at my current age. There are things that I need and will get. But it starts with just saying NO. I miss spending time with my family, church, and the few friends that I do have.
The answer is NO!
The majority of my young life is gone because I said yes when I should have said NO. Walking miles to and from my job when the bus was not available or I didn’t have enough money for a cab. The answer is No. To work only 4 or 5 hours, then having to walk home every weekend because I missed the bus, or, as I said before, because I didn’t have cab fare.
The work was not worth the walk home or the little bitty hours. The health issues I have, for the little money I make, are not worth it. The answer is no. So, I give my job only three days a week, that is all, no more, no less. I am focusing hard now and teaching myself to cover for me and my family first before any 9-5 job. I have watched this exhausting kind of work kill one friend and put the other in the hospital on life support.
I am frustrated about how this path led to my heartache, stress, tears, and barely any success. It is time now that I take inventory of myself and my needs. I am learning how to plan my exits.
